i want to be free

I've been lying to myself for the past 8 months.

Ever have an ex and still have relations with him even after? And know that he's been hooking up with other girls but still make excuses for him? Thinking that 'he's just helping her because she's really drunk'.

Okay.

That's fucking sad. If I saw another girl deal with shit like I have, I'd slap her crisscrossed and tell her that's this isn't all its cracked out to be.

I'd tell her reality's a bitch and people are going to shit all over you, but like everyone else, you deal with it.

eternal sunshine

how has it been 7 months and I still can't rid the taste of this alcohol

-there is nothing else outside of me and alcohol, but once we leave each other, all hell breaks loose and I'm in an endless cycle of appreciation and pain

I was fortunate enough to take myself away from Pittsburgh and to Vegas for a couple days. I thought removing myself would leave the memories behind too. I could replace them with a visions of a new future and new people.

I was just grasping onto distractions, things that I thought I could invest faith into.

-money

-boys

-alcohol

Wrong distractions. Need to look up, around, find something conducive. Remember my goals. Remember to love myself first.

Be independent.

And only then will I find new love.

what is this.. blogging hoopla...

"I'm inspired by Jessica Chu and Perez Hilton"...

What should be a time for vicious studying has become a time for self-reflection. Can't tell if free time and space to wander in my mind is a bad thing or not.

I've recently been applying to masters programs around the jersey area (NYMC, Rutgers, UMDNJ, Drexel) and started freaking out about future prospects. Doing well in masters programs= good med school. I called BK and he must have told me the most assuring piece of advice I've thus heard in my whole journey towards med school: "If you can't get into these programs, then shit, you just weren't meant to be a doctor"-- my heartrate slowed and my mind cleared. Not only had he given me piece of mind, but a huge ambition to rock this shit.

I'm excited for Darren and his endeavor into the marketing world of snowboarding. Right before buying 4 sepearate pieces of yowies from Outdoor Technologies, I'd remembered that DC had a plan to make Japanese snowboarder-inspired facemasks and had a fleeting thought that these might have been his. After testing out my arctic yowie on the slopes of Quebec, (this yellow thing on the right that depicts trees growing out of guns in black) I was disappointed by the lack of waterproofness (and therefore frozeness of cotton/nylon) and how I had to constantly pull the thing up with my bulky ass gloves. Yes, I got owned my Mont Sutton and ate the 20" of powder down the mountain. So Angie, Steph and stopped by Darren's apt in Brooklyn and made a deal to trade 2 of the 4 yowies I had for one of his alpha masks. I was immediately impressed by the design and durability of the thing and even happier that I got a couple free vinyl decal stickers as well (of course I would...). Can't wait to test the alpha mask out and show off my new mod on the burton.













What am I looking forward to?
-Spring break (Las Vegas?/ Miami?)
-Graduating= getting out of Pittsburgh
-Getting into a masters program
-Boarding 7Springs
-Riding Yang's ninja250
-Updating my modeling port/ get hired by an agency
-Finding new love.


2010, man I'm gonna rip you apart.